Bewildered — why can’t I write?

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SNOW DAY!

WOOHOO!

Or as an educator, it should be right? I know I know, we have to make this all up when it is super warm and sunny and the kiddos are itching to be playing baseball or swimming at the pool instead of sitting inside working on algebra or reading an article (and lets face it, we’ll want to be doing that stuff too). So it is easy to pull ourselves into the complaining trap… instead I thought I’d be productive and use this unexpected (okay, a little expected) day off.

Except I didn’t. That paragraph is as far as I wrote all day during yesterday’s storm. My phone was pinging all morning long with likes, reading stats and messages about the last post I wrote. I mean, I’m not talking going viral here, but some people read it… and had things to say about it. Which was amazing; thrilling really. And super super scary.

Because this isn’t the first time I’ve jumped out of my comfort zone and did something I wanted to try, and I know my typical reaction:

Kate gets excited about something. Kate spends weeks/months/years mulling over whether or not she should try it. Kate tries it and sees a bit of success. Kate then convinces herself she could never replicate the success because it was just a fluke and never tries said thing again. 

Seriously. This is my life, and I’m beginning to think I’m not alone.

I’ve tried to write before. Heck, when I switched from being a classroom teacher to being a librarian I had multiple story lines for novels and children’s books started with hopes of spending summers working on them. I’ve started this blog before, written 2 or 3 posts and quit.

And it hasn’t just been writing. I do this with music, workouts, artwork. I even had myself convinced being a decent librarian is just a fluke. Like I’m going out there everyday faking what I know about books, and tech, and authors and research and someday soon my principal or someone will swoop in and yell “FRAUD” and just like that I’ll be out of a job.

I know — I have a flair for the dramatic (always was a drama kid at heart).

So this post, it is me pushing through that. Here’s to hoping some of you push through today too!

 

Bewildered

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2 thoughts on “Bewildered — why can’t I write?

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